Pissed Off at Diabetes

DJ had a diabetes appointment today, as she does every three months, and I'm either really happy or really unhappy after they're over. Today, I'm really unhappy. I have a friend I met through the (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) JDRF website, she lives in Virginia but we email almost daily and have recently starting texting. I emailed her this morning to tell her that we have a doctor appointment and she text back words of support, almost immediately.

I have been dealing with DJ's diabetes on my own for most of the 5 1/2 years she's had it, but I do have a support system. I have wonderful family and friends that are just a phone call away and happy to let me vent and cry and sometimes just feel sorry for myself (and DJ). That being said, there is nothing like being able to talk to someone who knows exactly how you feel, someone who has been through the same experiences and emotions, to truly get where you're coming from. I love my support system and I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. That being said I have to tell you knowing someone who has a kid with diabetes, having a neice/nephew/grandchild with diabetes, babysitting someone, having a family friend, or teaching a child with diabetes is not the same as having a kid with diabetes.

I suppose it's this way with any disease, but having a kid with diabetes brings up some very specific emotions and not having to explain my emotions and being able to talk the "diabetes lingo" without having to explain myself is so relieving. I love to educate people on diabetes (I could talk about it all day long) but sometimes I just want to be a mom and vent. Thanks to my friend D in Virginia I can do just that. I sent her an email this morning and I know I'll hear back from her momentarily and with ease I'll read her message that many people would need a decoder to decypher-and I'll feel a little better.

My diabetes related emotion today is: pissed off. I HATE diabetes. I AM SICK OF diabetes. I AM PISSED that diabetes exists.

I know it could be worse, at least it's treatable, and she can live a long and healthy life. Today, that does not help me.