How Have You Changed In The Past Two Years

Whew! How haven't I changed??? Well...

Through a series of events that included an unhealthy relationship, Oprah (yes, Oprah) a conversation with my mother and memories of a tumultuous childhood I decided that I needed THERAPY! The unhealthy relationship led me to some childhood flashbacks, Oprah happened to have an episode that hit frighteningly close to home and as I was discussing it (Oprah, not the relationship) with my mother over the phone in the middle of Fred Meyer I realized I needed HELP! I think the breaking down in uncontrolable sobs is what gave it away...

I started therapy in April 2010 and in the first six months I could feel myself becoming stronger, more self-confident and happier. I also began to see who in my life was happy, or not, with the changes in me. I found myself wanting to be a better friend, mother, sister, daughter, co-worker, etc. My primary goal became: When I go to bed at night I want to know that I lived the best life I could today. I want to be someone I would want to be friends with. In short, I changed my focus to me because I was learning that if I made me happy I would make the people who love me happy.

In the last two years I have: become a better mother, become a better friend, weeded out unhealthy relationships, formed new friendships, learned that I attract what I am (and I have been attracting some fabulous people), learned to stand up for myself without apologizing for it, become more trustworthy, learned to set up healthy boundaries, learned to advocate for myself to get my needs met, learned to "give it to God" and stress less, become more open minded, learned how to respectfully agree to disagree, learned how to say goodbye to people that I love (because sometimes things just don't work out), learned that I cannot be responsible for anyone's happiness but my own and learned that all I owe anyone is my honesty.

I have grown so much in the last two years, yet I am nowhere near where I want to be. I have goals and I have dreams and now I feel much better equipped to go after them. I still have my insecurities and I probably always will, but now I am more willing to face them because becoming the person I want to be is more important than the shame I carried around for 36 years.